i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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