I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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