I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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