Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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