I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
