Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
