I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
