craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
