I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
