I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
did i walk over a car last night?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
