flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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