Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
