So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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