yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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