ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
