My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
