If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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