You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
