Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
