You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
