So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
