I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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