New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
