I didn't shave. On purpose
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
