Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
