I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Let's get the cat blown out
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
