he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
