That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
