im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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