This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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