Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
