i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
