I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
