So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
