Moan for me like Helen Keller
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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