omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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