I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
50% drunk capacity currently
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
