My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Who died my cat blue again?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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