I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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