What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
