your thong is hanging out like whoa
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
