Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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