Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
