The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is Oprah even human
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
