There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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