she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
false alarm, still single
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
