butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
