ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
