gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
