I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
two words...techno handjob
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
