Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
